There is an endangered species in the world today - The Healthy Caregiver. Caregiver stress is the number one killer of caregivers. I know it for a fact. I am a caregiver. A long distance caregiver for my father, and a professional caregiver for other people's aging loved ones.

According to the National Family Caregivers Association (NFCA): (http://www.nfcacares.org/)

• People over 85 years of age are the fastest growing segment of the population. Half of them need some help with personal care. Source: US Bureau of the Census Statistical Brief, Sixty Five Plus in the United States, May 1995

• Elderly caregivers with a history of chronic illness themselves who are experiencing caregiving related stress have a 63% higher mortality rate than their non-caregiving peers. Source: Journal of the American Medical Association, December 15, 1999, Vol. 282, No. 23.

• Sixty-one percent (61%) of "intense" family caregivers (those providing at least 21 hours of care a week) have suffered from depression. Some studies have shown that caregiver stress inhibits healing.  Source: National Family Caregivers Association/Fortis Long Term Care (Caregiving Across the Life Cycle) 1998;  Lancet 1995;346 (Slowing of Wound Healing by Psychological Stress - Kiecolt-Glaser, JK et al)

The important thing to note in the above statistics is the fact that so many caregivers are out there, and very few of them will ever admit to needing help or feeling stressed out. Our society, having moved away somewhat from the "we take care of our own" attitude that we came over from Europe with in the 1700's, is now trying to make up for our lack of family caregiving. Our fear of nursing home placement is adding to the pressure to keep loved ones at home, much longer than they probably should be.

In my work and experience, I have come across three major types of caregivers:

The "You Can Do It" caregiver is the one who sits back and lets the other family members take over. Now some might not even qualify this person as a caregiver, but just ask them: they are a caregiver because they "care".

The "I can Do it myself" caregiver is the martyr type of person who likes to handle everything themselves and tell everyone how hard it is. When offered help they rarely take it, or do so begrudgingly.

The "I Need Some Help" caregiver is the one who will stay healthier longer. They know their limits, accept help when offered, and seek help when needed.

The NFCA also has these Four Tips to Live by for Caregivers:

1.   Choose to take charge of your life. Don't let your loved one's illness or disability always take center stage.

We fall into caregiving often because of an unexpected event, but somewhere along the line you need to step back and consciously say, "I choose to take on this caregiving role."  It goes a long way toward eliminating the feeling of being a victim.
 

2.   Honor, value and love yourself. You're doing a very hard job and you deserve some quality time, just for your. Self care isn't a luxury. It's a necessity.

Self care isn't a luxury.  It is your right as a human being.  Step back and recognize just how extraordinary you are, and remember your own good health is the very best present you can give your loved one.
 

3.   Seek, accept, and at times demand help. Don't be ashamed to ask for help.  When people offer assistance, accept it and suggest specific things that they can do.

Caregiving, especially at its most intense levels, is definitely more than a one person job.  Asking for help is a sign of your strength and an acknowledgment of your abilities and your limitations.

4.   Stand up and be counted. Stand up for your rights as a caregiver and a citizen.
Recognize that caregiving comes on top of being a parent, a child, a spouse.  Honor your caregiving role and speak up for your well-deserved recognition and rights.  Become your own advocate, both within your own immediate caregiving sphere and beyond.

NFCA is a grass roots organization created to educate, support, empower and speak up for the millions of Americans who care for chronically ill, aged or disabled loved ones. Membership is free to caregivers and they can be reached at:

10400 Connecticut Avenue, #500
Kensington, MD 20895-3944
1 800 896 3650 (ph) 301 942 2302 (fax)
info@nfcacares.org

So if caregiving is so hard, you might ask, why do you do it for a living, Debra? Because I love it; I love people; I love helping people; and I'm a professional.

If your caregiving is taking a toll on you, reach out, ask for help. It's out there.

Debra Sorensen, MSW, LISW, CMC, is a professional care manager and owner of, Debra J. Sorensen & Associates Inc., a private geriatric care management company in Maumee, Ohio. She can be reached at 419-367-8835 or e-mail dsorensen@buckeye-express.com.